“I bet I know much more about the Cars Trilogy lore than you.” (They will be impressed by your Cars knowledge)

“Are you a massive pitch black amalgamation that stands at the foot of my bed and stares into my soul. Because I see you in my dreams.” (Girls like sleep paralysis)

“I’m not showering until I get a valentine… sooooo can I shower?” 

“Please please please please please please please please please please please please” (works best on knees) 

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhh… Uhhhhhhhhh… Nevermind.” Walk away(builds mystery and allure)

(Briefly make eye contact look away and never go up to them or say anything) (mystery is the world’s greatest attractor) 

“Are you a GE JVM3160RFSS 1.6 Cu. ft. Over-the-Range Microwave Oven because I’d love to go out with you.” Wink  

“If you don’t go out with me on Valentine’s Day, say goodbye to your stupid little dog.” 

“Your mom paid me to ask you out cause i’m like way out of your league and way too good for you but since i’m getting 20 bucks per hour, I guess i’ll give you a shot” (makes them think you are not a loser) 

“Are you the allegory of the, because i’ve accepted you as my reality (flattering to the recipient) cave

“There are bugs under my skin, there are bugs under my skin, there are bugs under my skin.” (makes her think there are bugs in your skin)

“Are you Conor Waters because you are super cute” 😉

“Are you the city of Philadelphia because I will burn you to the ground the day your sports team does something good.” 

“Wake up… wake up… wake up… WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! (they can leave the matrix with you) 

“You look ugly today, unfortunately.”(if they think you think they’re ugly they will fight for your approval, and do anything to make you like them)

“Sup shawty, tryna spend valentines day witta real one such as myself.” (100% success rate)

“You’re the one opp I won’t swiss cheese if you agree to be my valentine.” 

Give them the departed dvd “This is the movie The Departed. You can watch it if you want” (Girls LOVE The Departed on DVD)

Sit comfortably on a bench and read feminist literature, or just hold the book and look down because you definitely can’t read.

“Are you Jaden smith and the BROOOOO guy, because I want to talk to you about the political and economic state of the world right now.” 

Will you be my valentine if I buy you a property and Egypt and they give you the property. 

I hope you aren’t a freaking packet yo, because I want to teach you face to face. 

Ask for their name and then when the answer start cut them off with “BOOOOORINGGGGGGG” 

“Wiluzz yuzz buzz muzz Valenhuzz” 

“Are you an index card?”

“UGGGHHHH I’M SO LONELY, IF ONLY I HAD A GIRL TO KEEP ME COMPANY” (hopeful a girl will come to your side)

“Stop eating with a wimp and come eat lobster with the monster” (they love lobster with the monster)

“Art thou a gift from higher sphere delivered, my heart shaketh upon the sight of your visage, if I were giveth a chance to share with thou a meal including my panoply of crayons I know we could be lovers” (Girls LOVE eating crayons and old english)