Q. I’m a major procrastinator and now I don’t have any presents for my family. Christmas is 2 days away. Help Me!

A. There’s nothing wrong with making surprising gifts to charm your family. Last Christmas I made my family menorahs out of beeswax from the hive outside! The candles in fact did not last 8 nights, rather we had to make an insurance claim on the house after it burned down. Call it a gift of new beginnings!

Q. How do I make my cookies taste extra delicious this year?

A. I wouldn’t know. Ever since the great O’Sullivan house fire of ‘20, I haven’t been allowed near anything with heat. Much less the oven.

Q. How is it fair that I have to do homework over the winter break? The whole point of the break is that it’s a break from work. Don’t teachers understand?

A. I feel your pain. There comes a point when you just have to accept the workload that accompanies being a high school student. It’s also hard for teachers, so maybe give them a gift – like one of my homemade beeswax menorahs!

Q. What should my New Years resolution be?

A. New Years resolutions are a great opportunity to reflect on oneself and work on what you can improve. For me, it’s to stop burning things down. I’m being serious. Everything I touch erupts into flames. I am Midas, punished for my hubris. Please help. I am surrounded by fire. My breaths are filled with smoke.
Or, you could start working out more.