As the holiday season approaches, families are frantically scrambling for good places to hide their Elf on the Shelf or Mensch on a Bench. One place the two will meet together this winter – aside from multi religious homes – is in the ring.
To some, the answer is unanimous. The Elf on the Shelf, debatably the original religious doll used to celebrate traditional ideas of Christmas, demonstrates a variety of powers. Primarily, their direct access to the North Pole gives them an extreme upper hand, providing a quick dodge from the Mensch. In addition, their frequent contact with Santa gives them a very large advantage over the Mensch, allowing them to quickly consult their ruler during battle. Their ability to fly also gives them dominance over the Mensch, permitting them to dash out of any dangerous situation. There are a few issues with the dynamics of the Elf, testing the idea that they would beat a Mensch in a fight. A well-known fact amongst Elf owners is that no human may come in physical contact with an Elf, or else the Elf will lose their magic and be unable to return to the North Pole. While there are preventative measures, such as using cinnamon as a barrier between human and elf, the risk of losing magic is extremely serious, and the Mensch could absolutely use that to their advantage in combat. The primary issue with the Elf is their battle armor. Typically, the Elf on the Shelf will wear a tall pointy hat. This hat is a very easy target for the Mensch and could put the Elf in extreme danger during the fight. Altogether, while the Elf does have its variety of powers that could be essential in winning the fight, they also have a series of disadvantages that put them in danger of being knocked out against the Mensch.
While the Mensch on a Bench does not have magic like the Elf, he has his own variety of features that make him the perfect fighter. The first feature of the Mensch that separates him from his opponent is his cheerful smile. While the Elf on the Shelf often has a devilish smirk, the Mensch has a radiant smile that could melt any Elf’s heart. This feature is extremely important, as his smile never fades, leaving the Elf both intimidated and at risk of heart failure during the combat. The Mensch also occasionally comes packaged with a Menorah, which is an ideal weapon in a battlefield. The Mensch could use the flames of the Menorah, not only to rid them of their magic, but to knock the Elf out during the fight. In addition to his various features, the Mensch also has superior armor to the Elf, layered in traditional and warm clothing. These clothes are perfect defense from the magic of the Elf, and could protect the Mensch from anything dangerous occuring during the fight. Unlike the Elf on the Shelf, which ironically is not packaged with a shelf, the Mensch is actually attached to his bench. This could cause a variety of issues during the battle, making movement relatively difficult. On the contrary, it could be an effective way to knock out the Elf, and if the Mensch uses it correctly, could turn the fight in favor of the Mensch.
It is undeniable that both creatures have their own advantages and disadvantages on the battlefield. Though it is difficult to properly decide who would truly win a fight, there is one who would stand victorious at the end. Despite the infectious smile of the Mensch on a Bench, or the Christmas magic of the Elf on the Shelf, the true winner of this holiday battle is actually… Snoop on a Stoop! While not a typical household item, or even a part of the fight itself, Snoop is the clear superior magical holiday doll. His two powerful dreads and his large gold chain provide him with effective means of battle, and his mischievous smile paints the clear image of a winner. He is a perfect depiction of the true meaning of Christmas, and his cheerful aura allows him to win any battle.
