The Ben Commandments
Humorous Advice You Never Really Asked For
June 27, 2019
Q: My parents are making me get a summer job. What should I do?
A: Find a glamorous job, like working as a camp counselor at the Pelham Country Club. Nothing screams “living my best life” like a special form of voluntary cruel and unusual punishment.
Q: I don’t know what to do with my life. What should I major in?
A: Major in underwater basket weaving. What’s the starting salary? I think you’ll probably be paid in wonderful life experience.
Q: How do I make friends in college?
A: Join a club with lots of cool people! I hear that the cool thing these days is to join the lacrosse team even if you’ve never held a lacrosse stick before. I’m sure no one in the class of 2019 would know anything about that.
Q: How did you get into Brown?
A: I started with primary colors. Those were too boring for me, so I decided to mix them all together. I got brown. Maybe there’s a message about racism in there.
Q: How do I make sure I am clean enough to have a roommate?
A: Take all your saved Pel Mels with the Ben Commandments and set them free. Let them go back to their true home: the recycling bin. (because eco friendly!)
This, unfortunately, is the last Ben Commandments. Thank you all for all the times that you told me my jokes were just ok.
Ben Glickman • Nov 17, 2019 at 11:14 pm
I was so funny!