The Ben Commandments

Humorous Advice You Never Really Asked For


Photo by Lucy Edmunds

Ben Glickman, Senior, Editor-in-Chief

Q: My parents are making me get a summer job. What should I do?
A: Find a glamorous job, like working as a camp counselor at the Pelham Country Club. Nothing screams “living my best life” like a special form of voluntary cruel and unusual punishment.

Q: I don’t know what to do with my life. What should I major in?
A: Major in underwater basket weaving. What’s the starting salary? I think you’ll probably be paid in wonderful life experience.

Q: How do I make friends in college?
A: Join a club with lots of cool people! I hear that the cool thing these days is to join the lacrosse team even if you’ve never held a lacrosse stick before. I’m sure no one in the class of 2019 would know anything about that.

Q: How did you get into Brown?
A: I started with primary colors. Those were too boring for me, so I decided to mix them all together. I got brown. Maybe there’s a message about racism in there.

Q: How do I make sure I am clean enough to have a roommate?
A: Take all your saved Pel Mels with the Ben Commandments and set them free. Let them go back to their true home: the recycling bin. (because eco friendly!)

This, unfortunately, is the last Ben Commandments. Thank you all for all the times that you told me my jokes were just ok.